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Hidup itu tak selamanya indah. ada kalanya masalah datang dan pergi, namun ada saat dimana kebahagiaan yang tak bisa terbendung meluap keluar. aku adalah manusia biasa. bersosialisasi, berteman, mempunyai musuh, semuanya normal layaknya orang lain. aku bertahan di dunia yang keras ini. tapi ada saat dimana aku lelah untuk bertahan, dan aku ingin keluar dari perangkap hidup ini. apa keinginanku? kadang aku berfikir apa yang ingin benar benar aku lakukan didunia ini. kadang aku ingin bergerak, namun kakinku seakan terpaku dan tak bisa melangkah. aku lemah. aku tak miliki kekuatan. ak lelah pada dunia ini. terlalu banyak orang yang munafik, terlalu banyak ketidak adilan, terlalu banyak permainan. aku tau hidup ini bagai panggung sandiwara, namun aku tak pernah tau bahwa setiap orang memainkan peran mereka dengan baik. Tidak ada dari mereka yang tulus, semuanya punya keinginan, semuanya punya hasrat, dan mereka menghalalkan segala cara untuk mendapatkannya. harta, kedudukan, kehormatan. mereka tak pernah memandang orang lain dengan pengelihatan yang positif. hanya ada keburukan keburukan dalam mata mereka. Hanya ada kata "menjatuhkan" dalam benak mereka. tidak ada kata " kerjasama, kerja keras,persahabatan" mereka saling sikut untuk mendapatkan apa yang mereka inginkan, dari sini aku sadar, bahwa dunia ini kotor dan aku pun harus bersandiwara. Aku perlu atau malah harus memainkan peranku di panggung ini. Namun aku tak akan selamanya berdiri di panggung ini. Pada saatnya aku akan turun, aku akan mundur dan kembali pada diriku yang semula. meraih apa yang aku inginkan, melakukan apapun yang aku inginkan.

Tuhan, beri aku umur panjang. beri aku banyak keberuntungan. aku ingin buktikan pada mereka yang memandangku dengan sebelah mata. tunjukkan bahwa aku mampu, tunjukkan bahwa aku bisa, tunjukkan bahwa aku lebih dari mereka, tunjukkan bahwa mereka bukan apa apa bagiku, tunjukkan aku tak butuh mereka dan mereka yang membutuhkanku. tunjukkan pada mereka yang merendahkan aku karena penampilanku, tunjukkan pada mereka yang menganggap aku bodoh, tunjukkan pada mereka yang menganngap aku kejam, tunjukkan pada mereka siapa diriku, seperti apa aku. Tunjukkan pada mereka bahwa mereka menyesal telah berbuat seperti ini padaku.

Tuhan, Kau tau siapa aku, Kau tau bagaimana aku, Kau tau apa keinginanku. aku mohon bantulah aku, bantulah aku untuk menjalani hidup yang keras ini, bantulah aku untuk menjalani hidup yang kejam ini. Berikanlah aku peran yang penting dalam panggung ini. Agar aku bisa berdiri tegak, Agar aku bisa menjalani hidup ini dengan baik tanpa ada penyesalan, Agar aku bahagia menjalani hidup ini.  Bantulah aku mewujudkan semua impianku. impian-impianku. karena Kau jauh lebih mengenalku di banding siapapun.

something just happened

Last night, i read an article entitle "12 signs you need resign from your job" . well, at first i think its silly, Gee ever said to me that sometimes he feel boring with his job, but because of he earn good money of it, then he stays. and i take the good point from gee's statement, that i earn good money here so i should stay, although i  dont like this place though.well, i'll try to stay,
and yeah btw yesterday (actually i wrote this post yesterday but it delayed to today) yesterday 2 of my works mate are resign, i have no idea they're resign or got dumped but, i'm regret for them, and there's a rumor that one of them quit because of me,, hey wait! what the hell is it? because of me, i event dont know what i did, Well, and someone say that the GM spoke for me, fight for me, i have no idea of that.
in fact that the office more quiet than before, oh i dont know.
i hope i win the scholarship this year and i just get out of here,, being much dizzy of all the craziest thing here, too complicated, uncomfortable mates, crazy works time (well, i'm not workaholic) and so on, so,, just stay and wait. wish me luck!

-end-

huaaaaa

see i wrote that a man that i like in office doesnt like me, he'll go to papuma beach without me,, huaaa.. coz next week i'll going to semarang, its annoying!i though he just joke around me, but its really happened. he will go there.. hiks hiks..
its not about him actually, but its because i want to see the beach, beach with white sands..
i wanna cry really, i dont wanna back to semarang, i dont wanna see my dentist,, i wanna go with him to the beach,,,!! huaaaaa

my day today

today is a bad day for me, i dont know why, but i really dont want to do everything before me. im not concentrate to my job, n do a lot of mistakes. i have really bad mood today,, arrghh, even i dont know what should i type,

Ah i was create 2 poets, although i know that they weird or even absurd, well yeah,

i want to move..
i want to be free
i dont like to be here
i'm boring like pathetic

i have a dream,
my others say that i just a dreamer,
a dreamer without a dream
nothing to do to make a dream come true

i'm just an ordinary woman,
who get shattered with this situation
i just want to get out of this cage
and spread my wings in the air

i just a stupid woman
who sit on the stupid rule
i just a roboot
who always do whatever others say

i want to be free
spread my wings high
i want to get out of my cage
which makes my wings sore

what should i do?
i say it silly
whta will i do?
i say it crazy

i will just live
to what i am now
continue this life
and hope my dreams come true...




there's another one..
tell about a man that i like, but i know what he about me

there's something different on you
i have no idea whether i see you different
or no one see your difference
but your difference is good on you

its not a big deal for me
coz i know what will going on
moreover, i'll do what i did
nothing different, nothing changing

i'll see the time
and see my fate
will you be mine?
or you 'll be anothers

its my story not yours
its my life not yours
so thats why i'll make a line
i started, and i'll finish it...

day to day

its been 5 months i worked here, keep in touch with all of my friends and become a same girl as was. when i memorized to 5 months ago, the first thing i saw when i entered this company's door was him, i was seeing him and so was i. im curiuos about him, n soon we become close, go out together, although it was with some of my friends, but its good enough i think.
today is March 5th, 2014. about 4 days ago, i heard that he will continue his study to one of a institute in this city. actually i was bit shocked, i didn't have any idea. and it was completely came in sudden. in the other hand i want to try to get scholarship to australia, and i dont tell anybody about this. no one know in this office about my planing. at first i didnt sure about my plan because of him, coz its fun being in the office with him, although there's no special thing with him, but i just enjoy it. but when i heard about his plan to go to institute, at same time, i want to move too. aarrghh its so annoying. of course if i accepted there.
ah and one thing, he's 3 years younger than me. lol, its funny, but yeah, its right.its my first time also to fall with a boy much younger than me

well i'll continue tomorrow, its goin dark now.

work

working here really makes my head spinning around! i have really silly n idiot partner1older but selfish, dont care about company! i have no idea why does she still here! she's not competance, even able. i dont like to blame! i know i can! i know, she always make me looks stupid in front of a lot of people. i know that im stubborn, but i know that im capable. aaahhh im really goin crazy here! working here,! its a challlange, but this is the first time that i think i wont able to give the best thing! a know im lack in this field, i need to learn more i know..


to be continued

Fuck OFF

This world is Bullshit!! everybody make their own life without concerning others feeling. Im working now, i'm a new guy here, and i found that there's gap between others, there's dirty play around me!. all the people just make up. they just make drama here! i dont hate my comp[any, but i hate how my friends treat me! one name, is EVA, how i hate her, she always take my Job, blaming me in front of my General manager or my Director. She's as dirty as rubbish!!! she knows that i'm better than her! much better. so that she's afraid to be fired because of me!! i cant accept that!!! i do everything to make this company come forward, i make everything that she cant do! we're in marketing anyway. i just joined with this company in October 2013, i make my journal for marketing since i had joined here. she knew it. and now she ask me to make journal of marketing since January???? which is if i count them, there're 300 quotations!! is she lost her minds?aaahhh i think i want to blow up! im getting angry! my anger is like an volcano now! she cant use me NEVER!!!! i do whatever i want! if the director  or the general manager asked me, i'll do that, but not her!NOT HER, AND NEVER!!!!! i dont afraid with her!!! im smart, i have god to help me!! when i have braid and she isnt i'll wont. i just neeed to do one thing!! do the best that i can do!! then i'll beat her! she cant control me! although i'm new in this office and in this field, i will never ever be her slave! do everything what she said. NEVER!!

and others, who just wanted to use me, i'll show them who i am, i'll show them! and they cant underestimate me again, NEVER, EVER!!!!!